Are Things Looking Up for Addicts and the Economy?

It’s no surprise to anyone that our economy has been in the shit hole for some time now. Lucky for me, being the financially dependent, school loan repaying, live-at-home college grad that I am, it hasn’t affected me drastically. Is it harder for me get a job than it might have been a decade ago? Yes. But I’m working and so is my family; we all feel fortunate enough to currently have jobs so I can’t really bitch and moan as much as others are allowed to.

And while the recent election of our new president has made many feel hopeful for a brighter future (in the sense that there is no way he can possibly fuck up more than Mr. Fuck Up himself) it will still be a while before your average Joe the Plumber (not the Mr. Clean look-a-like who now has his own manager) will see any mulah back his wallet.

Here, however, in efforts to speed up the process of economic recovery are just a couple of recent propositions I’ve read and heard about lately.

The biggest headliner would have to be legalizing marijuana in California. Though I may be mistaken, I believe it was reported on NPR the other day that taxing every ounce fifty dollars would result in an earning of over one billion dollars PER YEAR. First off, and someone correct me if I’m wrong because I am certainly no expert, but that seems like way more cash than anyone should ever have to pay for weed, depending on how good it is I suppose. Other than that, I have no qualms with this proposal. This bill wouldn’t affect me so if you’re willing to spend that amount of money, I, as a fellow tax payer and California citizen gladly accept your contribution. Just don’t bogart the spicy hot Cheetos!

Hearing about this topic made me think back to my high school mock congress week where I can guarantee you no students were opting to filibuster the legislation’s approval. Kudos to them for backing up most of their arguments with evidence. The same reasoning and restrictions they used 5 years ago still holds up – 21 year age requirement, no driving under the influence, etc. On that note, lets just add the reduction in carbon emissions from all that beautiful leafy greenery and, c’mon, who doesn’t think pot busts are a huge waste of time and money for law enforcement anyway? Lastly, if anyone spouts off moral disputes about this subject, I’d like to present exhibits A and B: alcohol and cigarettes. They are legal. I rest my case. Next!

Here is a law that I didn’t even know existed until recently. The Blue Law, which still holds in states like Georgia, Connecticut, Indiana, Texas, Alabama and Minnesota, was intended to impose and uphold religious values by banning the sale of alcohol on Sundays. (Side note: Utah requires people to fill out an application and pay a fee before entering a bar??? This can’t be true, can it? Freaks). Lawmakers want to repeal this prohibition claiming that it would create a decent boost in sales.

Explain again please, how is it different that I bought my booze on Saturday and I’m drinking it on Sunday? I’m no religion expert but doesn’t some religious group get to drink wine while taking communion on Sundays? What if the church runs out of wine? Can you not run to your local corner market to replenish thy supply? I’m looking for the logic in this law and if anyone finds it, fill me in. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I also ask you to recall that here in the good ole’ US of A we have a little thing we like to call “separation of church and state.” Done and done. Thank you!

Lastly, I just read today that The United States could raise close to fifty billion in revenue over the next ten years by repealing a three-year-old ban on Internet gambling and taxing the activity instead. Am I mistaken or do people not participate in internet gambling everyday? I think I’m correct when I state that this legislation is totally ineffective. Apparently the 2006 Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act was just a suggestion. Since no one is following it, go ahead, lift the ban, tax the act, and let the government skim a little cash off the top. Most of these people will end up losing their money anyway; they probably wouldn’t even notice you sneaked some. Who knows, maybe it’ll even convince some of the guys out there to grab their poker sunglasses and head over to play at friend’s house for some actual human interaction (yes, hang your head in shame if you use poker sunglasses at a friend's house because that makes you a bona fide tool).

So there is a look at recent brainstorms to solve our state/federal budget crisis. Good ideas? Absolutely! Dangerous to addicts around the world? Probably. You win some, you lose some. Here are some ideas that I think would help during these tough times, I just have to find a way to make them sound legal…

- First, tax or charge contestants on American Idol who for lack of a better word suck. Then, charge all the viewers five cents to call and vote for their favorites. Boom! There’s two billion right there. Now I will admit that FOX had an original idea during the premier of this series and I, too, am a Kelly Clarkson fan, but I’m pretty sure this show is on its 27th season. Enough is enough. It’s on every night and I miss seeing original sitcoms.

- For that matter, go ahead and apply the same concept above to participants and viewers of Dancing with the Stars because those faux celebrities are getting paid way too much. Just the opportunity to try and make a “come back” (I’m using this term loosely because many of these people were never really famous) should be enough.

- To all the dads, husbands, boyfriends, and men in general: Let women go shopping without pestering them about spending too much money. We’re just doing our part to stimulate the economy.

- This isn’t so much an idea as it is a question. Someone please explain to me why prostitution is illegal and porn is not? I just think it’s a bit hypocritical, that’s all. They’re both essentially sex for money, right?

- Lastly, tax anyone driving a Hummer or a wood paneled PT Cruiser because that’s just unacceptable and ugly.

Blogs and Blurbs...blerg.

My tech savvy sis created a blog. My dad recently started a blog. I had to Google the word "blog" before I even knew where the word was derived from. 'web' + 'log' = blog. How did I miss that? Well, now I have one and here is a brief blurb (seems like it should be a combo of other words too) about who I am and how I got...here. Oh, and yes I am fully aware that the only people reading this will be those of you that know me well enough to deem these entries unnecessary, but this is me making an effort to stay up to date with technology so there you go. Side note - while student teaching 4th grade I got to use a smart board, similar to what you would see political pundits use during election night. No clue how to use it, but everyday I attempted to use it I felt like one of these guys...


http://www.hulu.com/watch/40678/saturday-night-live-update-freds-mapfix-it?c=87:260

Anyway, back to the point. Long story short:

Childhood= mostly fond memories; High school = fine; College = fun; Adult life = ahwhaa?

In order to create some sort of analogy as to where I am in my life right now, I'm going to reference something I'm sure most intelligent TV watchers are familiar with - the hilarious, prematurely-canceled, soon to be on the big screen, pseudo-documentary Arrested Development. The sitcom follows a dysfunctional family full of stunted adults who, I like to think, are still well-intentioned and loving....deep, deep, deep down in their hearts. And while I may not have as many idiosyncrasies (and I have definitely seen a chicken before) I've been starting to think that I, too, am stuck in some sort of suspended state like those characters.

The other day I told my semi-helicopter dad (think hovering) that 23 was the new 18. We both laughed, but not because it was funny. We laughed because it was pathetically true in terms of his dear old daughter's life. I'm going to be 23 in May and while I would love to claim to be the "grown-up" I know I should be, I'm extremely far from it.

This is not to say I'm not responsible or competent, just that I've still got the emotional and psychological maturity of someone much younger. Maybe that's why I get along with my students so well. Anyway, that's where I am. I've got big plans coming up, but don't want to jinx them so I suppose they'll get written about if they go the way I'm hoping.

Just for kicks - like I told Sara, you have to imagine the "Oh, Yeah!" part the way he used to say it.

Graffiti Win: