A formal letter to my father regarding his next automobile purchase:

Okay, maybe this isn't a formal, objective piece. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Regardless, my Dad’s ‘97 Honda CRV just passed 300,000 miles. Through a little bit of magic (and a lot of upkeep) it’s managed to continue running. Though I hope his car makes it another 100k miles, this may be wishful thinking. For the past few years he’s been talking about what car he would get once this one died on him. On several occasions he’s referred to the Honda ELEMENT as an option. This blog entry is dedicated to why I think buying a Honda Element is a poor choice. Note: My reasons are not founded on facts or statistics of any kind. Everything written on this page is purely my opinion…which obviously means it’s all valid and any/all suggestions should be taken seriously.

Here are several reasons why the next car he gets SHOULD NOT be an ELEMENT.

It’s unsightly box shape is reminiscent of a Hummer/PT Cruiser. In other words, it looks as if the two most unattractive cars ever gave birth to ugly automobile offspring. It is a square. “Lame,” “Loser,” “Nerd” for those of you that didn’t catch that pun.

It has wide opening side cargo doors. I’m pretty sure this means the doors trick out so that they open towards each other; the rear doors don’t open on their own. Does that make sense? In terms of writing, I’m not sure I’ve conveyed that picture clearly. Doesn’t matter because those kinds of doors don’t make sense either. I hate relying on the front seat passenger to open their door before I can get in or out. Essentially, it’s a two door car posing as a four door. And I hate posers.



In terms of interior, I haven’t seen it. But I doubt there are enough cup holders.

I’ve never driven an Element, but I assume it drives like any other car. Nothing special.

Crap - While doing research for reasons to support my anti-element cause, I discovered that the car is reliable and pretty safe. Well played Element, well played.